


Don't Let Me Go

by TheIfInLife



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Harry, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, M/M, Smut, Submissive Harry, Top Louis, based off of the song Don't Let Me Go, military!louis, side niam, side zerrie - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 20:21:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1996557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIfInLife/pseuds/TheIfInLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate universe where Harry still writes <em>Don't Let Me Go</em> for Louis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> Hey lovely people! I wrote this based off of a prompt I got on Wattpad, I hope you like it! Comments and kudos are always appreciated. Have a great day!
> 
> My [Tumblr](http://larryismyotpuniverse.tumblr.com/).

 

Harry wonders what it’d feel like to literally set his heart on fire. But he thinks he already knows. He checked the mail today. The box was empty. Today had officially marked a month.

 He’d run inside, falling to the floor the second the front door closed behind him. He sobbed. Everything hurt. Everything reminded Harry of him. And everything reminded Harry of how gone he was.

Every day Harry watched his neighbors. It’s his sense of normalcy. There’s the Wright's on his left; the old couple has been married for fifty-seven years. Every night, Mr. Wright comes home to his wife. On his right are the Klass’. They’ve had a few bad fight, a few close calls, but the always find their way back to each other. But Harry’s favorites, yet least favorite, are the Larson’s. They are the gay couple that lives directly across from them, Austin and Jay Larsen, with their two twin girls. Jay works from home while also taking care of their babies, while Austin goes out to his white collar job.

They’re actually good friends of Louis’ (when he’s home) and Harry’s but Harry is secretly jealous of them. He watches them knowing that they could’ve been like Jay and Austin. Harry could stay home with the kids (although Louis does not want kids) and Louis could go out and work at a safe, non-life threatening job and he could come home every night. And they could have a date night and Harry could kiss him every night. Harry could hug him every night. They could have so much sex, on every surface of their house. Harry could say ‘I love you’ every night. The best part though, is that he could actually hear Louis say it back.

Basically, Harry really wishes he and Louis were like the Larsen’s. Instead, Harry makes small talk with the mailman, hoping in between the bills and junk mail; he’ll find the untidy scrawl with his-their address written under his name.

Eventually Harry picks himself up off of the floor and gathers his books. He has a class to get to.

“Bye Louis, I love you s-so much.” Harry called into the empty house. He knew Louis wasn’t there, hadn’t been home in over two years and he still wouldn’t be home when Harry came back.

As Harry drives to campus, he filled his mind with Happy Memories with Louis. Like when they first met, that was pretty great. It was senior prom at a school neither of them actually attended. Harry’s date, his sort-of girlfriend, Heather had completely ditched him. Louis’d caught his date, definite boyfriend, making out with another bloke. Both of them had decided to leave early and ran into each other at the exit. Of course Harry made a fool of himself, tripping over a loose streamer, Louis catching him just before he hit the ground. Louis used to always tell Harry that he’d had him from the first ‘oops’.  They ended up spending the rest of the night (and well into the morning) at a local Ihop.

That was where Louis first told him. Some days Harry wished that he would have went running, other days he hates Louis for what he does. But mostly, he just wants his boyfriend back. He’d never tell Louis that though, it would absolutely crush him. Harry didn’t want to do that to him. So he kept his mouth shut and continued on with the way things were.

Dating someone in the military was like playing Russian roulette. Sometimes you get a bullet, sometimes it’s an empty chamber. Either way there is a gun against your temple.

All through his classes, Harry thinks of Louis. Even as he heads off to the bakery to work the night shift (it was doing so well, being open overnight only helped business). As he throws out the old pastries he thinks of blue eyes. As he’s rolling the dough for some cinnamon rolls, he thinks of tan skin and high cheek bones. When customers come in, he tries not to let himself hope that Louis will come trailing in behind them, he knows it’s not possible. Why couldn’t he be like those people he watches on YouTube when he is depressed? You know, the videos where the significant other or child is at work or school or something and then, boom, the person they haven’t seen in far too long pops in the door and there’s one of those pick you up, swing you in the air, hugs and then tears and Harry just really wants that.

Harry says a good (very) early morning to Barbra as he clocks out and heads home. He hates these moments the absolute worst. Every time, even after two years of doing so, he has to prepare himself for the empty house that awaits him. It’s almost to the point of pathetic how every time he still calls out Louis’ name to see if he’s there. Everyone wants someone to come home to. He remembers when Louis first asked Harry about moving in together. At the time, Harry was so excited; little did he know it would feel so much like he was living alone.

That night, in their king sized bed, Harry slept on Louis’ side (it didn’t smell like him anymore) clutching the last letter that Louis’d sent. He told Harry he was doing well. He’d lost a good friend recently but other than that, he was okay. Said he’d heard through the grape vine that they’d be able to Skype soon. He’d told Harry to reply quickly because his letters were the best part of Louis’ day. Harry had replied quickly. He was still waiting for Louis to reply.

Another week had gone by and Harry was getting worse. He’d started preparing himself for the knock on the door, revealing two uniformed men and a flag. But no matter how much he’d tried to prepare himself, when he looked through the peephole and saw a blue uniform, Harry was panicking. He wasn’t ready for the flag to replace Louis, he couldn-

“Ed,” Harry breathed a sigh of relief when he opened the door to reveal his mailman.

“Hey Harry, normally I would’ve left this in your mailbox but I know you’ve been waiting for it so, here you go.”

“Thank you so much!” Harry cried, literal tears streaming down his face as he closed the door and ripped open the letter from Louis.

_My Hazza,_

_I’m so sorry it has taken so long to get back to you; I was not able to write before now. I have some good news for you and some bad and knowing you, you’ll want the bad news first so here it goes. A nearby bomb detonated and some shrapnel got lodged into my cheek. They thought they could treat it but it’s gotten seriously infected. Ready for the good news? They are sending me home! Only for doctors stuff until I’m healed of course, but I’m coming home baby! I can’t wait to see your beautiful green eyes; the picture I have of you has faded a little and I just miss you so much, Hazzy. You better not have grown any more, you hear? You are already tall enough, taller than me even, you little shit! I love you. It’s been two years, two months, and six days since I’ve held you or heard you sing. Or had your cooking. God, I miss that. I miss sitting on the counter while you preform your witchcraft and sorcery on the food so it turns out perfectly. Charlie says hello. He was closer to the bomb than I was, lost an arm. I’m truly lucky, and you know why? Because I take your picture with me everywhere I go. You’re my good luck charm. You keep me going. Keep me alive. Sorry, this medicine kind of scatters my brain a little. There’s just so much I want to say to you and I don’t know how to organize my thoughts. They’re telling me I need to go to sleep and rest before they come pick me up to take me home. This should get to you by Saturday, and I’ll be home on Tuesday. Meet me at the airport with one of those sappy signs with my name on it? Pick you up at seven. I love you so much, Harry Styles._

_With all the love in the world,_

_Your Forever, Louis._

Harry clutched the letter to his heart, tears of concern, relief, and laughter rolled down his cheeks. He was feeling so many things all at once; he didn’t know what to do with himself. He took out his phone and immediately dialed Louis’ best friend.

“Hullo?” The boy answered on the second ring. “You alright?”

“Hey, Zayn. Yeah I’m fine, just wanted to tell you that I just got a letter from Louis.” Harry’s heart fluttered at how Louis made Zayn promise to take care of him while Louis was out fighting for their country. Harry could definitely say that Zayn was a man of his word.

“Hey that’s great! Anything up?” Zayn was so eager and Harry felt just a bit guilty. Louis didn’t really have time to write to anyone other than Harry and his family. Louis hated it. Usually there was a bit in the letters he sent to Harry about saying things to Zayn or such.

“He’s been injured.” Harry let out a shaky breath, saying it out loud was scary. But then he also got to say, “He’s coming home.” Out loud.

“ARE YOU FUCKINGKIDDING ME?! THAT’S-YEEESSS! I mean, I don’t want him hurt but-“ Zayn was getting emotional and dammit, it was making Harry emotional.

“I know, Zayn, I know what you mean. I’m off work on Thursday so I figure I get ahold of Liam and Niall and have a small get-together. You could bring Pez too. What do you think?”

“My schedule has been cleared. Count me in.”

“Okay, I’ll call you with more details later.”

“Right, bye mate.”

Harry ran outside and jumped into his car. Liam was Harry’s best friend since middle school and Niall was Liam’s boyfriend. The five of them actually fit together pretty well from the moment they all hung out together. Harry was in front of their apartment door in law-breaking time.

He knocked, “Let me in! But put some clothes on, I don’t need to be reminded of who tops!”

The door flung open with a, “That was one time, Styles. What’s up?”

“Louis’ coming home.” Harry whispered, tears forming in his eyes once again.

“What?! Liam!” Niall called, ushering Harry in the door. “Liam!”

“Yeah?” He came running down the hall, towel around his waist, dripping wet. “Harry.” He stated, confused.

“Louis is coming home,” Harry repeated, smiling at his best friend.

“Harry that’s fantastic!” Liam was jumping up and down, hanging on to his towel for dear life. The site was pretty hilarious. “When?”

“Tuesday, he’s been injured though. That’s why he’s coming home.” Harry’s face dropped considerably. “I feel bad that I’m happy about this you know? Like he’s hurt and I’m over here celebrating.”

“Harry,” Liam turned serious. “C’mere.”  He held his arms open for Harry and Harry fit into them. Harry gasped lightly when he felt Niall come and hug him from the back.

“Harry sandwich.” Niall whispered, smiling into Harry’s shoulder.

“You haven’t seen him in two years, you’re allowed to feel like this. I would if I hadn’t seen my Nialler in two years and he’d gotten hurt.” Liam comforted. They stayed like that for a solid three minutes before Harry spoke up.

“Wanna come over on Thursday? The gang’ll all be there. I’m not sure of the times yet or if Louis-“

“Count us in.” Niall interrupted.

Sunday and Monday both dragged on almost too slowly for Harry to bear. But he’d gotten his final project in his Music Composition III. Compose a song. So that was how he spent most of his time. He was in school for music, wanted to become a singer/songwriter but now that he knew all the logistics behind it, it was actually kind of hard for him. His teacher told him when he met with him after class about his worries, he’d said,

“Draw from your experiences, Harry. Take all your emotions and put them all on paper.”

“What if I don’t feel like I have any real experiences?” Harry’d asked him.

“Are you in a relationship? That’s the foundation for many, many great songs.”

“Yeah, but…”

“That’s it, Harry!” His teacher exclaimed excitedly. “Take that ‘but’, and put it into a song.”

So that’s what Harry was trying to do, all of Sunday and Monday (besides work and school of course). He kept repeating to himself, ‘draw from your experiences Harry, and use your emotions’.

_Harry was sitting on their couch, knees to his chest. This could not be happening. Last time Louis was deported, it only lasted for six months. But…three years? Could their relationship even last that long without physically seeing each other? It had to._

_Harry glanced over at the pictures hung on their wall. His eyes zeroed in on the picture Anne had caught of them kissing. It was Harry’s coming home party. Harry’d been gone away at his first year college (only a fifteen minute drive away), Louis away at basic training (only an hour’s drive away). Louis’d always said that it was his favorite picture of them, Harry looking all college-hipster and Louis in his military gear. It hurt Harry to think all these things but it was better than the alternative._

_“Are you ready to go, babe?” Louis emerged from the hallway, all dressed up, duffle bag on his shoulder._

_Harry didn’t say anything, couldn’t. He just rose from the couch and led the way out the door. On the walk to the car, Harry was trying to pull himself together. He was trying not to latch on to Louis and beg him not to go. It took everything he had to look to Louis once they were at the car and not burst into tears as he said,_

_“I think you’re going to have to drive.” It was too breathy and quiet for Harry’s normal voice. It was obvious that he was trying not to cry, even with his eyes filled to the brim._

_Louis took the keys from Harry and settled in the front seat, taking Harry’s hand in a firm grip the moment Harry was in the car. Harry’s hand was the only thing that kept Louis grounded as they drove the forty-five minutes to the airport. The last time Louis was deported, the car ride was filled with nervous chatter about how it wasn’t that long or that the area he was being sent to wasn’t that bad. This time they didn’t even have that._

_Once at the airport, the two sat silently holding each other. It was as nice as it could be in that moment. Harry didn’t want to let go. He couldn’t. This was. How could he even describe what he was feeling? He was so proud of Louis because this was his dream job but at the same time he was so hurt that Louis would just leave and possibly get hurt or even-_

_“I love you.” Harry whispered, smashing his face into Louis’ chest no matter how much it hurt._

_“I love you too, so much. And I’ll write every chance I can and we can Skype, yeah? We’ll still be able to see each other.” Louis whispered back to the love of his life._

_“You won’t be able to hold me.” Harry sniffled._

_“I know,” Louis said sadly. “But I am now.”_

_‘FLIGHT 217 NOW BOARDING’_

_Louis broke from Harry’s embrace and Harry broke._

_“No, please,” Harry began crying, no longer caring about anything except that the man he loved was about to leave his life for three entire years. “Please don’t go.”_

_Louis pulled Harry from sitting position and wrapped his arms around his trembling boyfriend. “I have to. This is my job. I’ll be okay, you’ll be okay. We’ll be fine. Let me hear you say that. Tell me that we’ll be fine.”_

_“We’ll-“ Sniffles. “We’ll be f-fine.” Harry said, holding tightly to Louis. He’d probably have bruises but Harry didn’t care. He would hold him tighter if he could._

_“That’s right, Harry. We’ll be fine.” Louis started to pull away but Harry pulled him back to him._

_“Stay.” Harry tried with all his might to convince Louis in one word._

_“Babe, I can’t. I have to get on that plane. I love you, c’mon let go.” Louis’ heart was shattering by the second. He hated that he had to put his boyfriend through this._

_“No.” Harry was drenching the front of Louis’ uniform with the waterfall of tears that were uncontrollably leaking from his eyes._

_‘FLIGHT 217 NOW BOARDING – FINAL CALL’_

_“Don’t let me go,” Harry begged pathetically._

_“I love you, Harry Edward Styles.” And Louis pulled himself completely from Harry. It killed him to do that but he knew Harry wasn’t going to let him go willingly. He threw his duffle bag over his shoulder and started walking towards the flight attendant who was taking tickets._

_“I love you too!” Harry yelled, chewing on his fingers, sniffling because he forgot the damn tissues._

_Louis turned around and smiled at Harry, mouthing ‘forever’ as the intercom started calling out his name._

_And then he was gone._

_Harry stayed in the airport for three hours. He couldn’t make himself move. Some nice lady bought him a chocolate bar and a cup of coffee. She must’ve seen the scene that Harry caused. It was nice. It almost made him smile._

_Eventually Harry did go home. Entering the empty house for the first time hit Harry like a freight train. He sobbed loudly, filled with anger. Before he even realized what he was doing, Harry walked right over to the picture that Louis called his favorite and punched it with all the force he could muster. The glass shattered much like Harry’s heart. The picture fell to the floor and Harry watched it go, watching the blood from his knuckles drip over the broken picture frame._

_Liam came over and fixed Harry’s hand up. He’d tried to pick up the mess from the picture but Harry refused to let him. Instead, Liam held Harry in his arms for the entire rest of the day. Harry went through the next month in a haze. Finally one day, Harry came home from work one day and it was still there, broken on the floor. In that moment he’d realized it. Military men and women weren’t meant to have people at home. The government wanted them to be programmed to where they’d go and give their lives and that’d be the end of the story. Well, they were different. They were LouisandHarry, HarryandLouis. They were going to make it. They had to._

Three a.m. Tuesday morning and all Harry had was the first verse. They only had two weeks to finish and turn in the final so Harry was a bit stressed. Plus he had all of his other finals to worry about, though this was the class that he needed for graduation in two and a half weeks.

He tossed and turned for four hours before he deemed sleep hopeless. Seven a.m., Harry rolled out of bed, giddy and nervous. He was going to see Louis in twelve hours. As Harry jumped in the shower and he cleaned himself thoroughly, he wondered how different Louis would look. Would his face have beautiful scars (because nothing on Louis could ever be anything but beautiful)?

When he was out of the shower, he tried to eat something. But he was too nervous. Instead, he focused on making the sign like Louis’d asked. He knew Louis was joking when he’d suggested it but Harry was a romantic. He had to make the sign.

Once the sign was finished, Harry headed out the door. He probably shouldn’t skip class this close to his last finals week but he was not going to class when he had to prepare to see his boyfriend. He’d also phoned Barbra and gotten the night off of work. He was completely and totally free. So first he headed to the store to buy a few things for Louis’ official welcome home party with everyone and then he did some grocery shopping.

Dinner had to be special. He planned to make homemade pizza, baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and quesadillas since they were all four Louis’ favorites. But all he had in the house were the basic flour, eggs, milk. So he had a lot of work ahead of him. While at the store, he also bought a bouquet of roses which he planned to set on their dinner table.

Cooking three different meals all at the same time turned out to be a lot more difficult than Harry had originally anticipated. By the time he pulled out the nearly burned pizza to let it cool, the chicken was nearly cold and the quesadillas were definitely cold. The mash, not so much. So Harry stuck the cold items in the cooling down oven to warm up while he went to pick Louis up.

He arrived at the airport fifteen minutes early, pacing with his sign. He didn’t know how much time had passed until he saw the flight attendant open up the door but the next thing he knew, people were rushing out and Harry was holding up his sign and-

“Sorry for being late, it-“ Louis was running toward him. Harry dropped the sign and ran towards the man he loved.

Harry jumped into his arms, feeling Louis wrap his arms around him. Harry’s heart was beating so fast, his eyes were welling up, and he thought he was going to burst with excitement.

“Louis.” Harry breathed, tears spilling over. This was the moment he’d been dreaming of for the past two years.

Louis set Harry down and kissed him. He held Harry’s face in his hands, thumbs wiping away the trail of tears on Harry’s cheeks. “Hey baby.”

“God, I love you. Missed you so much, you-“ Louis interrupted Harry with another perfect kiss on his lips. Harry was vaguely away of someone aiming their phone at them but he didn’t care. His Louis was home.

When they pulled away, Harry was blushing and smiling down at Louis. He had a white bandage covering his cheek from the side of nose all the way up to his eyebrow (not covering his actual eye) and over to his ear.

“Doesn’t look to bad.” Harry commented, lightly brushing the tips of his fingers over the bandaged area.

“You haven’t seen what’s underneath it.” Louis winced quietly. “Let’s get home, yeah?”

Harry picked up his sign, tucked his fingers between Louis’, and led the way to their car. The ride home was filled with chatter. Harry told Louis about all the things that he’d missed while he was away. Even though they had already talked about most of it through letters or Skype, Harry said it all again. Louis didn’t mind, he was just glad to hear his baby’s voice again.

“Zayn is dating this girl named Perrie now, they’re pretty serious. He cried when I told him you were coming home, he’ll deny that though. But he’s happy to see you. I was thinking of doing a get together with all of us on Thursday since I’m off, what do ya think, babe?” Harry knew he was talking a mile a minute but he honestly couldn’t stop himself.

“Sounds great.” Louis squeezed Harry’s hand. “I can’t wait to see everyone.”

Soon they were parked in front of their house and heading inside. Harry was so excited to have Louis home with him, he nearly dragged Louis up the path to the door. Louis chuckled when Harry dropped the keys twice trying to unlock the front door.

But eventually the door opened and the smell of food hit Louis’ nostrils and his stomach grumbled loudly. Harry laughed, going to the kitchen to pull out the now warm chicken and quesadillas.

“Holy shit, Hazza, I didn’t bring the whole army back with me.” Louis gaped, already plating some food for himself.

“I just wanted everything to be perfect for you.” Harry replied quietly.

“Hey, it is perfect.” Louis leaned up and gave Harry a quick kiss. “I didn’t mean for it to come off like I don’t appreciate this.” Harry mewled lightly at the praise. He loved knowing that he’d pleased Louis, lived for it.

Over dinner it was Louis’ turn to do the talking. He’d always been one of those people who were an open book and that didn’t change just because he’d seen some horrible stuff. He’d heard that just straight up talking about everything that had happened could reduce his risk of getting PTSD so that’s what he did. He told Harry about all of the friends that he had that died. He even told Harry about Evan. Evan was one of Louis’ best friends. Evan killed himself 9 months ago; Louis was the one who found him.

Harry cried silently through it all but he was there for Louis. It wasn’t really how he’d pictured their first dinner together going, but he was extremely grateful that Louis was willing to open up to him about the things that he’d seen and the things that had happened to him.

“Thanks for dinner, babe, it was wonderful as always.” Louis sighed, completely full. “I think I’m going to jump in the shower real quick, I feel gross.”

“Okay, I’m gonna head on up to bed.” Harry loved this. He felt like a normal couple, something he hadn’t felt since very early on in their relationship.

He headed up the stairs and stripped down to his boxers, climbing in on his side of the bed and settling in. It was kind of pointless though, he wasn’t able to sleep; his body was keyed up because Louis was right in the other room. Louis would finally be able to hold him in his sleep.

After what felt like forever, Harry heard the shower turn off. Louis stalked into their room, clad in only some of his boxers. Louis gently got in bed, probably thinking that Harry’d fallen asleep. Harry turned on his side to face Louis, smiling brightly.

“I’ve missed your smile.” Louis commented, shuffling closer to Harry so that their bare chests were touching. Underneath the blanket, Harry slid a leg between Louis’, pulling him in even closer.

“I’ve missed your everything.” Harry retorted.

“Me too,” There was a pregnant pause before Louis finally spit it out. “Harry can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what’s up?” Harry did not hesitate to say.

“Have you…have you been with anyone else?” Louis closed his eyes, preparing for Harry to either get really mad at him or tell him he had.

“What?!” Harry’s eyes snapped open, looking to Louis almost as if he were waiting for Louis to say that he was kidding. That didn’t happen. “Of course not! Why would you even ask that?”

“It’s just. I mentioned showering and you just said you wanted to go to bed. You’ve never done that before. I thought you loved showering with me. And I mean, it’s been two years and you’re an attractive guy-

“Even if I had wanted to cheat on you, which I never have and never will, I don’t have anyone to do it with.”

“Zayn is literally your only straight friend, Harry.” Louis said.

“True.” Harry gave him that. “But I would never,  _never_ even think about doing something like that to you or to us. Hell, I couldn’t even do that to myself.”

“But the shower…” Louis couldn’t help but worry.

“I just, I wanted to give you your space. I didn’t know if you wanted me-“

“Haz,” Louis interrupted softly. “I always want you.”

He kissed Harry softly, trying to put all of his emotions into this one touch of their lips. Harry gasped, understanding the overwhelming intimacy of the moment. Louis took advantage of that gasp and slid his tongue in Harry’s mouth. Harry tasted like cheese and marinara sauce but Louis didn’t care, he continued licking into his boyfriend’s mouth, smiling when Harry gasped again.

Harry missed this so much. He hadn’t kissed someone in two years. He was already getting hard and he knew that whatever they were about to do would not last long. Over the past two years, Harry only wanked when it felt like his balls were about to shrivel up and die; it just made him think of Louis so even if he tried, he usually just went soft because he got really sad and depressed because of missing Louis. It was miserable.

Harry, mindful of Louis’ injury, rested his head on Louis’ neck. Louis was hard too and he was pushing against Harry’s hips. Harry was already breathless, he felt like a virgin  all over again.

“Louis.” Harry breathed, rocking against Louis. A couple of thin layers of fabric, that  was all that was separating them. Harry wanted the fabric gone. “Boxers off.”

“Someone’s a bit eager.” Louis teased even though he was just as eager as Harry was to be naked and hard together.

Harry just bit his neck in response. Louis pulled back, chuckling at Harry’s pout, and shuffled Harry out of boxers. Once the material was disregarded and forgotten, Louis wrapped his hand around the base of Harry’s cock, stroking leisurely.

“Lou,” Harry gasped, hips stuttering, unused to the pleasure.

“Yeah babe?” Louis smirked, pecking Harry lightly.

“Y-yours too.” Harry had his eyes closed, basking in the pleasure that was his first hand job in two years. Harry may do wonders in the kitchen, but Louis was the magical one when it came to sex. That sounded super cheesy but Harry didn’t care.

Harry felt the bed shift as Louis pulled his boxers off one-handedly. And then Harry felt Louis’ bare, hard cock against his as Louis grabbed the two of them in his small hand. Both boys groaned in unison as Louis moved his hand over the both of them.

“What do you want tonight, baby?” Louis asked, tightening his fist around them. Harry just moaned, thrusting harder into Louis’ hand. “C’mon, babe, talk to me.”

“F-fuck,” Harry moaned, biting his lip because damn, he needed to gain some self-control. “Fuck me.”

“The lube in the same spot?” And then Harry wanted to punch himself.

“Shit.” He cursed.

“What?” Louis stopped the movements of his hands, looking to Harry worriedly.

“We’re out of lube.” The last time Harry’d wanked; he used the last of it and hadn’t bothered to buy any more.

“Want me to go get some?” Louis sat up, already searching their bed for the boxers he’d thrown earlier.

“You want to?” Harry asked feeling exposed when Louis pulled on his boxers and Harry was the only one naked.

“Of course,” Louis began searching through his old drawers for a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Harry felt kind of awkward, he was lying there naked, and cock standing straight up and Louis was putting his clothes on. It was pretty pathetic and stupid to get emotional in this moment but he couldn’t really help it. Before he and Louis got together, all he had were one night stands and sex that was completely meaningless and yeah this moment should definitely not remind him of all that but it did.

“Babe,” Louis came over to the bed and kissed Harry. “Do you want to come with?”

“Nah,” Harry sighed, knowing he was being too emotional.

“Okay,” Louis kissed Harry again, squeezing his cock tightly. “Keep this up for me, yeah?”

Harry just moaned breathily and nodded, licking his palm and stroking his cock. As Louis left, Harry’s mind went back to the first time they had any type of sexual interaction. Neither of them were virgins but the way they blushed as grinded into each other made it feel like they were virgins. Madonna should have been playing in the background. And Harry had come so quickly that Louis asked him if he really was a virgin. It became obvious that he wasn’t as they continued to explore the sexual side of their relationship. Harry was the queen at giving blowjobs, got off on giving them almost more than giving them. The first time he sucked Louis off, Harry came untouched. The impressed, pleased look Louis gave him because of it is burned into Harry’s brain.

Subconsciously, Harry spread his legs at the thoughts he was having about pleasing Louis. As his right hand continued its pumps on his cock, he brought the index finger of his left hand up to his mouth. He got it as wet as he possibly could before sliding it down to rub at his entrance.

“Ah,” Harry gasped, pushing his finger in as far as it could go. Fuck he was tight, there was no way he could fully prep himself without lube. Damn it, he wanted to be ready for Louis, to be good for Louis. So he would try. He worked his hole with one finger, frustratingly not able to reach his prostate with the angle his wrist was at.

He was so caught up in trying to reach his prostate and whimpering angrily, he didn’t hear Louis get back. He didn’t even hear when Louis came through the front door, or when he entered the bedroom. His eyes were screwed tightly shut, he wasn’t alerted of Louis’ presence till he sat on their bed, crawling between Harry’s legs.

“Fuck!” Harry gasped, startled. He opened his eyes, blushing darkly. “You’re here. And already naked.”

“Well,” Louis smirked, opening up the lube and throwing away the trash. “You were a bit…distracted.”

Harry just grabbed his face and brought him down for a kiss. Louis quickly pulled back, hissing with tears in his eyes. Harry’s eyes widened in horror,

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I forgot. Fuck, Louis I’m sorry please forgive me, please-“

“Not your fault,” Louis gritted out. He took a deep breath and focused on pouring lube on his fingers. He gently moved Harry’s hand out of the way and began rubbing at his hole.

“S-sorry,” Harry shivered at the contact.

“Don’t apologize.” Louis said firmly, sliding his middle finger inside Harry.

“You can do two.” Harry was already panting with pleasure. This angle, although still not hitting his prostate, was much better. Maybe because it was Louis’ fingers and not his own.

Louis obliged and fit his index finger next to his middle finger, pushing both inside. He scissored his fingers minutely and Harry was already a mess. To be fair though, Louis was a mess too. Harry was so fucking tight, he couldn’t wait to feel him, to be inside him.

“Lou,” Harry looked up at Louis with lust blown eyes. “Please,”

Louis thought that Harry gesturing with his hand meant that he wanted Louis to touch his cock but when Harry shook his head, Louis just looked at him confused. “What do you want, baby?”

“Hold my hand, please.” Harry was gasping and whining, seemingly about to be overwhelmed. But when Louis’ other hand tightly grasped Harry’s, it grounded him. “Another.”

“Alright baby, I’ve got you.” Louis whispered, adding his third finger. Harry mewled, loving when Louis got like this with him, made him feel so good in more than just a sex way.

Louis thrust his fingers in and out, in and out, scissoring as much as he could. Not that he hadn’t trusted Harry when he said that he hadn’t been with anyone, but feeling how tight the boy was just proved to Louis that he hadn’t.

“Fuck me, Lou. C’mon. I’m ready.” Harry’s hips were lifting off of the bed in pleasure, knuckles white with how tightly he held Louis’ hand. “Louis.”

“Hey, you’re alright. I’m gonna take care of you, yeah?” Louis smiled down at Harry, ignoring the dull ache in his cheek when he did so.

Louis pulled his fingers away from Harry’s hole, heart fluttering at the way Harry canted his hips up, asking for Louis to hurry with just his body language. He did his best to be quick, lathering on so much lube he was practically dripping. But he felt how tight Harry was, he was going to need all the help he could get.

Without letting go of Harry’s hand, Louis locked eyes with Harry and guided himself inside the tight hole. Harry had his hand in a vice grip, almost hurting Louis. But Louis wouldn’t dare let go. He knew that Harry was probably hurting, they hadn’t fucked since the night before he left.

His eyes were screwed shut, trying with all his might to relax and let the pain fade, the hand that wasn’t holding Louis’ went up to Louis’ chest. It stopped right over his heart, and that’s what calmed him, the slightly fast  _thump thump, thump thump_ of Louis’ heart. This was real. Louis was right there with him and he was waiting for Harry.

“You can move,” Harry whispered, eyes opening to see Louis’ blue ones looking right at him with all the love and adoration in the world.

“I love you,” Louis whispered to Harry, leaning down and kissing him as he shallowly moved his hips. Harry gasped beautifully into the kiss as he felt Louis move inside him.

“L-love you too,” Harry stuttered, feeling so connected with Louis in that moment.  He moved his hand away from Louis’ chest and up to his shoulder, gripping it as Louis began to pick up the pace.

This really wasn’t going to last long, Louis knew. Harry was so tight, it took everything not to blow his load on the first thrust. He kept his eyes locked with Harry’s as he built up a slow, deep rhythm. The love that passed through the way Harry opened up his entire body, entire soul to Louis had him breathless. He just- Harry was so perfect.

“You’re so perfect, babe.” He said aloud, eyes closing because it was becoming too much. With his eyes closed, it was intimate in a whole new way. Instead of seeing Harry’s body react to his words, he felt him tighten and moan, high and loud. The bed was squeaking just slightly, barely heard over the rhythmic  _slap slap slap_  of their skin, it was all so fucking perfect.

“Lou, please just,” Harry breathed harshly, clutching his shoulder and hand steadily.

“Tell me what you want babe.” Louis repeated, mind beginning to spin with how good this all felt.

“Be close to me.”  _Hold me._

Louis slipped his hand away from Harry’s and slid both arms under Harry, letting all of his torso align with Harry’s; face to face, chest to chest, and hips to hips.

Harry mewled even louder, tightening around Louis when he got the closeness he desired. Harry kissed away the bead of sweat that had formed on the top of Louis’ lip, and then went in for a snog. Louis immediately obliged Harry, tongue coming out to battle with Harry’s. As the kiss deepened, Harry began moving his hips to meet each of Louis’ thrusts. He was whining and again gripping Louis’ shoulders and Louis had had sex with Harry enough times to know what this meant. But since he loved hearing Harry talk during sex, he was going to wait until Harry said something. He didn’t have to wait that long.

“More, Louis. Give me more. Fuck me good. Fuck me hard, please, give it to me.” Harry was at that stage where he was rattling off anything that would get him what he wanted and it fucking turned Louis on when Harry got like this.

“Yeah? Want me to give it to you hard?” Louis whispered, already thrusting harder and a bit faster just out of excitement. He mainly asked just to get a rise out of Harry but it also was pretty hot to show complete control, he liked that.

“Please, Lou.” Harry whimpered, hips still moving up trying to create a faster pace.

Placing his face against Harry’s neck, making sure his delicate cheek wasn’t about to be hurt, Louis stilled. And then he was fucking into Harry as hard as he could, finally slamming into his prostate. He kissed and sucked on Harry’s neck, goose bumps rising on his own neck at the feeling of Harry breathing harshly against it.

“Oh, oh f-fuck, yeah Louis, fuck it feels so good. Fuck me!” Harry was beginning to shake, fingernails digging into Louis’ back. “Don’t stop.”

“You sound so good, baby. I missed hearing you. Not gonna stop.” Louis cooed, biting and licking at Harry’s ear. “So sensitive, yeah?”

“Mmhmm.” Harry’s body was moving and jerking underneath Louis’ and he knew.

“Getting close baby?” Louis asked, knowing that he himself was getting dangerously close.

“Yeahhh, oh fuck, yeah, right there, Louis. Louuiss.” Harry’s voice was straining and Louis just fucking missed this so much. He’d tried with every letter, every word he spoke over Skype, tried to explain how much he loved him for everything he was and everything he let Louis be.

As he felt himself getting closer, Louis pulled back enough to just stare into Harry’s eyes. God, he loved Harry so fucking much. He was such a good man, a good boyfriend. He let Louis go and live out his dream while staying at home and fucking waiting for him, being faithful to him, with every thought he was driven closer and closer. Harry went through so much alone just so that Louis could be happy and he knew he would do it forever if Louis asked him to. Forever.

“Marry me!” Louis shouted, body tensing as he released strings of white into his boyfriend (fiancé, maybe?) and then going completely lax against him.

“Louuuuu.” Harry moaned loudly, scratching down Louis’ back as he came between them. His body also went lax, panting and trying to catch his breath.

A few seconds had passed and Louis pulled away from Harry so he could slide out of him. He then jumped off the bed to go grab a damp washcloth to clean them up. Harry squirmed when Louis cleaned the come that was leaking out of his hole but he was glad that Louis was there and taking care of him. When he was done, Louis crawled back in bed, draping himself over Harry and holding on tight.

A few moments of silence passed before Harry whispered, “Did you mean it?”

“Absolutely,” Louis did not hesitate. “You’re everything, Harry. You do so much for me. You put up with all my shit, you put on a brave smile any time something about my work is mentioned, you stay and, and” Louis was getting choked up so he paused for a moment to breathe and collect himself, “You wait for me. I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard from my buddies about their wives or husbands cheating on them and breaking up because it’s too much. But not you. And I just, I want you to know that I’m in this with you. I’m right here with you, waiting  to see you and staying faithful to you and loving you from half way across the world. This, what you and I have, it’s forever. So, I’m sorry that it’s not in the traditional, restaurant , down on one knee thing but I love you and that’s what matters. Sorry, I’m doing that nervous rambling thing-Harry Edward Styles, will you marry me?”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” Harry repeated, an absolute mess. Happy tears slid down his cheeks as he held tight to his boyfriend, wait no, his fiancé. That was a lovely thought. “I love you too, Louis. So damn much.”

Wednesday was a hard day for the both of them; Harry had class almost all day. He was working with his teacher to set up the accompaniment and go over the lyrics that he’d had for the first verse. He was already formulating the chorus but he was having a lot of trouble with the second verse. He  had to figure it out soon though. The rest of his classes dragged on though, not really doing anything of value any more. And then he had to work, so he wasn’t able to go with Louis to his first doctor’s appointment. But he headed home the moment his shift was over, finally able to prepare himself for the fact that Louis would be there and their house wouldn’t be empty.

He was quiet as he could be, knowing that Louis would be asleep at this time. Harry sighed when he saw Louis curled up on Harry’s side of the bed with a new bandage over his cheek. As exhausted as Harry was, he was in the mood to try and finish up the second verse and he may have just found his inspiration. Right there on the night stand was a small black, velvety box. He went over and popped it open, seeing a simple silver band. It was perfect. Louis was perfect.

Downstairs on the couch, Harry twiddled the pen in his fingers trying to decide how he wanted to make the second verse go.

_Harry sat on the couch, staring at the screen of Skype, telling him that he was getting a_   _call. It was stupid and selfish, he knew but he almost didn’t want to answer it. But of course, he did._

_Louis’ face, dirty and sweaty, appeared on the screen. “Hey baby,” He said timidly._

_“Hi.” Harry hated himself._

_“You haven’t written me back.” Louis looked so small and vulnerable in that moment that Harry wanted to die because it was his fault._

_“Don’t let me go.” Harry just burst into tears. “Please just don’t. Don’t.”_

_“Harry,” Louis sounded as if he were about to cry himself. “Babe, I never will. Never. No matter what happens here.”_

_“Don’t you get it, Louis? It does matter so much what happens there, it means everything.” Harry burst out. He felt like a true piece of shit for what he was feeling but he’d always worn his heart on his sleeve. If he was hurting, Louis knew about it._

_“I know, I know, I’m sorry I said that.” He didn’t know how to react to Harry’s actions. “Is this why you haven’t written me? I thought you were done.”_

_“No! Of course I’m not done, I’m just. I’m not dealing with this really well. And it’s only been three months and it just. Can I ask you something totally selfish and terrible?”_

_“Go on. I’ll love you no matt- I’ll love you always.” Louis caught himself before he could upset Harry again._

_“What about me?” Harry couldn’t even meet Louis’ eyes. This was the first time that he’d ever expressed something other than support for what Louis did. “Louis I don’t know how to be me without you here. I don’t know how to be us when I don’t know if will just become me. And I don’t know how to stop needing you here even just for stupid things like studying for my tests coming up but especially just when I need a hug or-“_

_“Harry, listen to me. You are independent. I know it hurts you to be alone, it hurts me too but I have to do this. Do you remember when we first talked about our dreams together? You wanted to make music, to make people smile and I wanted to fight for our country, to keep people safe. You told me to always pursue my dreams because if we aren’t living our dreams, we aren’t really living. You said, we have a choice to live or to exist. I’m living Hazza. I promise you that every second I’m here is for you. Because you inspired me to do what I love in life. And it hurts me so much to see you growing up without  me, to be bettering yourself without me but this is what I’m meant to be doing. I just, I don’t know how to make you understand.”_

_“I love you.” Harry said after a few seconds of silence. He understood where Louis was coming from. If Harry ever made it big, he would have to leave to be on tour and stuff too so it wouldn’t be much different. Aside from the whole life threatening part but Harry just had to deal with that. “I love you, every part of you. Even the parts that scare me, like the wanting to risk your life. You know I support you and I’m sorry that I hadn’t written. I’m terrible and selfish, I know. I love you and I’m sorry.”_

_“Hey, no, you’re allowed to feel however you want. And it’s okay about the letters, it just made me nervous. I love you too and I’m so glad I got to see your beautiful face and hear your sexy voice. I’ve got to go now but I’ll write you soon, okay? I love you so much, stay strong, my Hazza.”_

_“I love you too. Stay safe, Boo.”_

Harry ended up falling asleep there on the couch, having mostly finished his song. His professor would be so proud. Louis woke Harry up with a hand around his cock.

“Morning, babe,” Louis said, flicking his wrist.

“M-mor-oh fuck-morning, Lou,” Harry’s toes curled, pushing his hips up into Louis’ hand. “God, it feels so good when you touch me.”

“Love touching you. Love,” Louis leaned down and kissed Harry chastely. “Kissing you. Love making you feel good.”

Harry keened high and throatily. This was a pleasant, pleasant surprise. Louis was so good at everything he did. Harry wanted it all, wanted everything.

“Not right now, love, you are probably too sore.” Louis said as if Harry’d said all of that aloud. He probably did. “Wish I could blow you though.-“

“Faster,” Harry breathed, embarrassingly close already. He couldn’t help it, Louis was sex on legs and he had his hand around Harry’s cock, anyone that lucky would come quick.

“Wish I could eat you out right here on the couch, fuck you open with my tongue. You always sound so perfect when I’ve got my tongue on you.” Louis was looking down at Harry, knowing that he was riling Harry up and pulling him apart.

“Louis,” Harry warned, clutching tightly to the side of the couch, trying to hump Louis’ hand. Louis was holding his waist down so Harry had to take whatever Louis gave him.

Louis decided he could risk just a bit. He travelled down Harry’s body and kitten licked at Harry’s head and Harry lost it. He went rigid and his cock twitched heavily as he came all over Louis’ face. His eyes were closed, just focusing on breathing after such a powerful orgasm. When he did, he saw Louis down on one knee.

“Will you marry me?” His fucking face was still covered in Harry’s come.

“Louis you asked me this yesterday-“

“Yes but this time I have a ring.” He pulled the same black box Harry had seen the night before, out and opened it. Somehow, it looked even more perfect.

“You already know my answer, Louis. Yes. A million times, yes!” Louis slipped the ring on his finger and they spent their first few moments fiancés making out, Harry’s cock out and his come on Louis’ face.

Eventually though, they cleaned up and got ready for the others to arrive. The tiny little party with the six of them went fantastically. Zayn actually cried when he saw Louis, Perrie and Louis became instant friends, telling Zayn that he should keep her. Liam was the first to notice the rings on both of their fingers and then of course everyone congratulated their engagement. Niall had Louis take the bandage off of his cheek momentarily so they could see it. Harry gagged and got dizzy.

They spent most of the evening after everyone else left, in the tub with Harry’s back pressed to Louis’ chest. It was nice. Louis washed his hair and Harry fell asleep. He woke up wrapped in Louis’ arms in their bed. This was where he was meant to be.

Two weeks later, Harry was nervous. It was his last day of Music Composition III. The day he had to perform his final project. And Louis had come to watch him. And to make matters worse, he’d drawn the last place performance. He was closing out the entire year. His entire college career.

“Harry,” His professor smiled proudly at him, “You’re up.”

Harry walked to the front of the classroom, seeing Louis positively beaming at him from the front row. He could tell Louis was so proud. Would he be proud after he heard Harry’s song?

“Um,” He cleared his throat. “This song was inspired by my relationship. My wonderful boyfriend, well actually now he’d my fiancé,” He was interrupted by some cheers and clapping. “My fiancé, Louis, has been overseas for the past two years serving our country,” Again he was interrupted loud applause. “Anyway, yeah this is how I felt when he was gone.”

Harry looked around the room as the accompaniment started, filling the room with the beautiful sounds of the song Harry wrote. He was counting in his head so he’d know when to come in, he took in a breath and began singing

_Now you were standing there right in front of me_

_I hold on it’s getting harder to breathe_

_All of the sudden these lights are blinding me_

_I never noticed how bright they would be_

During the tiny break before he had to sing again, Harry found Louis’ teary eyes and he had to take a breath to keep from getting too emotional but he knew he wouldn’t look anywhere else for the rest of the song.

_I saw in the corner there is a photograph_

_No doubt in my mind it’s a picture of you_

_It lies there alone in its bed of broken glass_

_This bed was never made for two_

Harry swallowed thickly as the chorus got closer. He didn’t know if he’d make it without crying. Especially since Louis already had tears streaming down his face.

_I’ll keep my eyes wide open_

_I’ll keep my arms wide open_

Harry was going a little too fast. He let a tear slip and then he composed himself. If he wanted to be a legit singer/songwriter, he had to be able to contain himself.

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me go_

_Cause I’m tired of feeling alone_

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me go_

_Cause I’m tired of feeling alone_

Louis was a mess. Harry honestly didn’t know if he’d ever seen Louis in this state before. But neither of them were looking away. The next verse Harry wrote kind of in Louis’ point of view about their relationship, he hoped it didn’t sound stupid or dumb.

_I promised one day I’d bring you back a star_

_I caught one and it burned a hole in my hand_

_Seems like these days I watch you from afar_

_Just trying to make you understand_

_I’ll keep my eyes wide open yeah_

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me go_

_Cause I’m tired of feeling alone_

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me go_

During the instrumental break, Harry’s eyes broke from Louis’ to survey the audience and see how they were taking his song. Not a person in the rooms eye’s were dry. Not even his teacher’s and especially not Louis’. At some point someone had handed Louis a tissue box and he was wiping his nose when Harry’s eyes connected with his again.

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me go_

_Cause I’m tired of feeling alone_

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me go_

_Cause I’m tired of feeling alone_

Harry was cracking. His voice had started straining a bit with his effort to not let his emotion show through. But he was failing, he was failing so hard.

_Don’t let me_

_Don’t let me go_

_Cause I’m tired of sleeping alone_

Harry’s voice cracked on the last line but as he wiped his eyes and the music faded, Harry looked around the room to see everyone standing and clapping for him. This was it, his first standing ovation.  Louis ran to him and picked him up off of the ground in a rib crushing hug.

“I’ll never let go.” He whispered into Harry’s ear.

Louis was there when Harry graduated a few days later and he was there when Harry got a call from a producer (having been referred to Harry by his professor). He was even there when he gave the song he wrote to be sung by some American and he was there when Harry was asked to write more. Eventually though, Louis had to go back and finish out his three years. He only had about nine months left but he squeezed Harry so tight at the airport.

“I’ll never let go.” He repeated to Harry. “I will never let you go.”

Harry kissed the deep red scarring tissue on Louis’ cheek and said, “Me either.”

Those nine months were as hard as any other day without Louis by his side but he knew Louis would never let go. Liam, Niall, Perrie, and Zayn were there every night that Harry had a break down, watched over Harry as Louis would’ve had he been there. Most nights they all laid out on one of their living room floors, Harry smack dab in the middle and they made Harry forget about why he was upset in the first place.

Louis came home eventually, the beautiful scar still there on his cheek and Harry smiled before jumping into his arms once again. He held on tight knowing that Louis would do the same, forever and always.

Louis decided that he wanted to work domestically from then on. Harry ranted for nearly an entire hour about how he shouldn’t do that for him and all that but once Harry had allowed Louis a breath in, Louis explained that he wasn’t doing it for Harry. His dream had changed. He still wanted to keep his country safe but he also wanted stability. He wanted to officially settle down. And Harry really couldn’t argue.

Six months after Louis got home, the two got married. Harry may or may not have worn glitter boots to the wedding. Harry sang You’re Still The One by Shania Twain to Louis. Louis should have been used to Harry singing to him, every time Harry wrote a new song, he sang it for Louis but even still, Louis cried like a baby. Harry wasn’t surprised. But what Harry was surprised about was that there were a few paps at his wedding. He didn’t think that he’d gotten that known.

On the way to the airport (they were headed to Seattle for their honeymoon), Harry got a call offering him an album deal. Harry cried and Louis held his hand and he whispered how proud he was. On the last night of their honeymoon, Harry lay in bed with Louis, wrapped up in his arms.

“Can I admit something to you?” Louis asked, fingertips lightly trailing up and down Harry’s bare arm.

“Sure.” Harry was so fucked out, he was about to fall asleep.

“Okay two things. First, I can’t wait to see ‘Harry Tomlinson’ in lights. Second, I may or may not have been listening to ‘Don’t Let Me Go’ so that I can sing it to you after you’ve been on tour for months.”

“Aww, Louis. You big sap. But don’t worry, babe, I could never let you go.” Harry barely had the strength to open his eyes but he did, looking at his beautiful blue eyed husband.

“Me either.” Louis sealed the deal with a kiss, knowing it was forever. They were forever.


End file.
